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julielemon
06 April 2011 @ 10:58 pm
Nothing to me is more amazing than the fact that we didn't need a god to create the complex, stunning and totally accidental universe we live in. No one had to start it, a billion tiny things happen for no reason all the time, and I believe whatever accident started us all is just one of them. Isn't that just amazing? That beauty and chaos can just happen?
 
 
julielemon
29 January 2011 @ 11:11 pm
Being in a family isn't easy.

I know this as well as anyone, I come from a big one. Four little sisters and one little brother, a mum who's, as far as I'm concerned, the best woman in the world, and a dad who, I guess, tries his best. Both of whom I'm fairly sure are depressed, not that I'm an authority on that.
Today I think I've finally managed to articulate something about my family, a reason for a lot of our fights and tears. None of us seem to think we're good enough, but it's more than that, it seems to also be that we don't believe anyone else is good enough either. Maybe that last part is on a far more subconscious level, but I don't see it as an unreasonable assumption, given the end line of most of our arguments:

'Well, I'm sorry I'm the worlds worst (mother, father, son etc.)'

Said of course with appropriate venom. I think, to an extent, all of the members of my family over 15 (Myself, my brother and parents) all believe that they themself are failing, but also that the rest of us are as well. I'll admit it myself, I am all to aware that I'm not a daughter my parents can easily be proud of. I'm 18 right now, 19 in a few months, went through the first 16 years of my life expending little effort on anything, school least of all. Then, after failing most of my GCSE's, and promising myself and my mother that I would try my best at college, I dropped out after a few weeks. Following a year off, I then tried a different course in college, only to be moved down to a lower level course because I simply wouldn't do the work. I'm very, very lazy, and the first to admit it. So yes, I'm nothing to be proud of.

But my parents aren't either, and I see this as clearly as they see it in me. And I think maybe that's the problem. We all see where we, both ourselves and eachother, have failed far too clearly, and maybe that's not the way it's supposed to be.

I love my family, but I'm not sure anything we ever do will be good enough. I hear my mother and father complain about how nothing they do will ever be good enough for us, that we're ungrateful. And maybe that's true, but the same can very easily be said of them, because nothing I do is good enough either.

Typing this up is fairly silly and meaningless, I suppose, but it's okay, getting it out of my system is good for me, I think.
x
 
 
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Handfull of Glitter - Pink
 
 
julielemon
26 January 2011 @ 11:45 am
>.  

Have decided that sleeping till ten is the best thing ever XD

Only one lesson in college today, animation, which I love, so it's all awesome.

I've been thinking about maybe starting a Supernatural fic...the idea of actually posting one still frightens me though, it's a bit intimidating >.<

Wow...just read that all back, I don't half talk some shit lol

Peace x

 
 
julielemon
16 January 2011 @ 11:26 pm
Wow...really not great at this >.<

I've had this account for an age, just literally never done anything with it, not even ever really been on it till recently, when I discovered, to my great delight, the wonder that is Dean/Castiel fics. God was I ever missing out...

Misha Collins, you are as equal to a God as I'm ever willing to have XD

Yeah, other than that though, not really sure what to write in this thing though. I mean, I love a good fanfic as much as anyone, but I don't know that I'm much of a writer...oh well, I'll figure it out.

Peace out, mofos x

(Just checked, I created this account on 14 September 2008 @ 12:00 am...dude lol)

 
 
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: Lamb - Gabriel